Jeen-yus

So I have been noticing how wonderful Apple Genius is lately and today tops. For those who haven't used it, you select one song from your iTunes collection, and then it will create a playlist based on the style of that song. Today while working I decided to make one using a song I really like by Stardeath and the White Dwarfs called "I Can't Get Away." It turned out to be a most pleasing 25 song playlist and now I want to share it with you….. but just you so keep it down.

Last night

Guido themed party in Seal Beach….. I didn't dress up

Smokin Grails

I've recently noticed the striking resemblance of Darwin from Smokin Aces and Patsy from MP& the Holy Grail.

Their expressions aren't very matchy in these photos, but get a refresher course with the two movies and you'll see it too. But what blows my mind is that Darwin was played by Chris Pine. That's the new Captain Kirk! Crazy right? Darwin is definitely my favorite hit man in that movie.

Maybe in Star Trek 2 they can have a planet where you get a lot older, and Terry Gilliam could play Kirk. Eh? No? Eh?

Hollyweird

Last night was the 2010 kickoff party for Music Saves Lives at H.Wood in Hollywood. It was a fun night, mainly because of our interesting 45 min walk to the bar and the fact the the bar was comped from 9-12. Here are some videos I shot.

HOME BASE



JOURNEY TO H.WOOD




PARTY TIME



HEADING HOME

After this video was taken I jumped out the car and killed myself. I was OK.

Old Spice

Why does Old Spice have the best commercials? Every ad is perfect, hands down.

I'm on a horse

Chill chill

CHILI!

Chili cheese burger with provolone, onions and my moms award winning chili

In another note, I don't suggest watching Videodrome while eating a big drippy chili cheese burger, which is exactly what I did.

Paranoia 1.0

Paranoia 1.0, also known as One Point O, is a movie about some stuff.

Regardless of my limited synopsis, this movie was pretty interesting with awesome cinematography and a very mysterious story. That is not why I am writing about it though. Near the middle of the movie, a scene occurred that seemed all too familiar.

I few months ago I wrote a short about a man buying milk at a small convenience store and him being questioned about it briefly. Well apparently that same exact scene exists in this movie and looked almost identical to how I pictured it in my head.

Here's theirs:

Here's mine: Buying Milk To Drink It

Tank Girl Still Sucks

With the rise in movies based on comics, I was excited to see that Tank Girl was just starting on Cinemax the other day. I thought I could use a refresher course since I hadn't watched it in years, and sure enough, it still sucked. This is why.

Lori Petty - She's best at looking pretty and showing 3/4 of a boob every now and then, that's about it.

Ice-T - Has any movie with Ice T ever been good? Or Ice Cube? or anyone else with the word 'Ice' in their name? He's so disgruntled in this role. I guess in every role. Go away Ice-T.

More like bats with big tails

The Rippers - The creepy ass kangaroo men things are nasty. Not the concept of a half kangaroo half man soldier creeps me out, but the way they are depicted in this movie is just plain nasty. The colors of some of the rippers in the comic book are striped and spotted kind of like reptile/zebra patterns. Although the rippers in the film look like burn victims or sufferers of vitiligo universalis. It's just nasty. Also they have these gross lips that make them look like a hairy Steven Tyler. Also nasty.

Bestiality - So Tank Girl ends up kissing Booga the ripper at the end of the movie, but you totally know they get it on because Tank Girl rolls like that. All of this, even after Booga openly admits to originally being a dog who was then mutated into a kangaroo man thing. So not only is she boning a kangaroo, but a kangaroo that used to be a dog. Gross.

One of the three Lori Petty movies that anyone remembers

The Plot - I loved this story when it was called "In The Army Now." I think it went something like this.
          "Hey Lori Petty, want to star in a movie?"
          "I sure do, but on one condition."
          "Sure, you name it!"
          "It has to involve me with a shaved head in the desert in search of water."
          "You got it!"

Cut Aways - I guess the director ran out of material to fill the 104 minutes and felt it was ok to add zoomy, music montages of comic strip pages from the Tank Girl comic. This also gave him the opportunity to show a scene and not use any actors or props. Example: when they upgrade the Water & Power tank to be a bit more suitable for TG, it's just a bunch of stills from the comic strip and a voice over of Lori P. saying things like "yea!" and "pow!" and shit. They aren't that short either, not like what you'd expect between scenes of Saved By The Bell or something, these are their own little segments of nothingness.

Invincibility - What fun would it be if the main character got shot and died. None, I know. But that doesn't give the film the right to rub it in our face. Tank Girl might as well have had a midget in a backpack constantly shooting her in the head without causing her any injury with the way she gets through some of these fight scenes. Her biggest injury the entire film was a cut on her forehead.



If you want any reason to see it, i'd say see it for Naomi Watts. She is just so adorably nerdy in it, with her pre-movie star eye brows, round glasses and short black hair. Also that accent! Australia here I come.

Also, the ending it stupid and abrupt. Like this.

Feeling it

Recently I was reading about human emotions and how they are easily transferred from one person to the next. Im not talking about getting downloaded or magically shot into our brains, but humans contain the ability to sympathize with one another and even use our imaginations to put ourselves in the place of whomever we are in contact with. This is the reason we cry at sad parts of movies, laugh at a funny story and scream at the football game on TV.

This is a totally normal occurrence and isn't usually brought on by surprise, until tonight. I was watching a viral video of a cat back rub and noticed how I could feel the video. My back started to get relaxed and I got tired and calm. Plus the look in this cats eyes was enough to let my brain know exactly how it felt to get a massage like this. So please enjoy the video that forced my brain to give my back a good rub down.

brought to my attention by katy cole

Wet Hot American Summer

Does anyone else notice that Wet Hot American Summer is full of actors that became household names 3 years ago? Although, the movie was made in 2001 so no one gave a shit at the time.

It's got practically the entire cast of Role Models, both Michaels from Stella, Bradley Cooper, Molly Shannon, Amy Poehler, Janeane Garofolo, David Hyde Pierce and my favorite, Christopher Meloni as the nutso cook.

So go smear mud on your ass and watch it.

Dick Donut

I dont know if it is because this reminds me of how I spent my junior high years making endless amounts of short films with the same high pitched voice, or if it is just because these are donuts holding machine guns, but I love this.

Dogger

I see all my friends twittering, but I sure do wish my dog could leave tweets to let me know what he's doing…..

oh wait he can.

Check out the PuppyTweets device which hangs from your dogs collar and tweets what he is doing with the help of motion and sound sensors. There are 500 different activities that he can tweet, which don't always match perfectly to what the dog is actually doing, but it's still pretty unique.

Also available soon, for $5, is the BowLingual app for your iPhone. Originally a $100 piece that hung from your dogs collar(Times Best Inventions of 2002), but the Japanese inventors are releasing a new version in the app store. The app records your dogs bark and translates it into 1 of 6 programmed emotions. I guess you either have to know when your dog will bark, or sit there and wait for him to with your app standing by.

Roma Roma

14 songs I like that have something to do with love

1. La Vie en Rose - Louis Armstrong

2. Hideaway - Karen O

3. Home - Edward Sharpe

4. Lazy Lover - Brazilian Girls

5. Across The Sea - Weezer

6. Gatekeeper(cover) - Pomplamoose

7. Bohemian Like You - The Dandy Warhols

8. Let's Make Out - Does It Offend You, Yeah?

9. And It Spread - The Avett Brothers

10. Two-Headed Boy, Pt. 2 - Neutral Milk Hotel

11. La Vie En Rose - Pomplamoose

12. Why Do You Let Me Stay Here - She & Him

13. I Love You More Today Than Yesterday - Stevie Wonder

14. Tonight You Belong To Me - Steve Martin & Bernadette Peters

The files in the zip aren't in this order, but this is a pretty decent order, so you should get on that.

DOWNLOAD IT

Happy Valentines Day

Happy Valentines Day from Mom and Bret 'The Hitman' Hart

Cut! Print!

So I've started offering high quality 11x14 prints of my artwork…. seems like a decent idea

right?

why not?

stop being negative!

get one.

cheap!

Mike Oncley original PRINTS

and more….

You Betsy!

Recently joining Etsy.com, I decided to browse other Long Beach artist.

Oh how happy I did.

I found a little gem of an artist who goes by Legendary Tiger Hero. His specialty is infamous characters vomiting or drinking beer. Although my favorite title out of all of them was….

Bigfoot breaks into some Dude's Cabin and Totally takes a fat Dump in his toilet 

8x10 fine art print

If that doesn't scream "hanging above my toilet and/or bed" I don't know what would. Other favorites include 'Batman Puking His Friggin Guts Out' and 'Dracula is still the Sweetest Vampire Bela Lugosi inspired Not to be confused with Twilight.'

The Legendary Tiger Hero

Why so lazy US?

The US took some time to occupy. Lots of exploring, lots of migrating and killing, all in the name of expansion. One thing that has always bugged me about the US is how it was laid out.

Before the settlers hit the Oregon trail they were cutting up states left and right. It seems like on the east you can take a sharp left and you're accidentally in another state. Look at it, they can't even fit the names on the map. Living on the west coast I am forced to drive for hours before I can cross any borderline. I always imagined some designated 'state-divide maker' was getting tired in his google maps wagon and fell asleep sometime around Missouri.

"Should we make the border here? hello? right here?"

"Zzzzz, whaaa? a um uh, zzzz, not yet, further, zzzzzzz"

"It's gonna be one of those days" *hold for laughter and applause*

You get what I'm saying. Also state laws aren't as interesting because you can't cross a quick border to talk on your cellphone in your car, or ride a motorcycle without a helmet. Maybe we could spice California up a little bit with a three part state division. LA, SF…. and the rest. Eh? It might need some work.

We can discuss House representatives and Governing later…… and I suppose we could give that top third to Sacramento….. maybe.

Did You Ever See the Perverted Kid in Back to the Future 3?

While surfing tonight (the web, not the ocean, whatarya crazy?) I stumbled across a list of infamous scenes in movies of extras being dicks and screwing up the scene. Storm trooper hitting his head, guy with his dick out in Teen Wolf, some wannabe gangster throwing up gang signs behind John Leguizamo in The Pest and more.

Out of their list, my favorite by far is the most disturbing.

The scene in Back to The Future III when Doc is saying au revoir to Marty with his new western wife and kids. Well little Doc Brown on the right decides that now is as good of time as any to make an awesome gesture towards his genitalia.

Here's the clip:


It is so obvious what he is saying, kind of a "Come here…. right to my penis."

And how old is this kid?! Is his pervert dad offset nodding and nudging his wife saying, "There, see, he did it just like I said. That's my boy."

Kudos to this kid for having the (very welcoming) balls to do this and for his luck of it not getting cut out of the scene by the nearsighted film editor.

I'm sure he has a beer or two and laughs about this today. I would

Etsy

Ok I finally did it.

After hearing demands from a few people, I finally made an Etsy account to sell my art. I see the benefit to it over Bigcartel.com since you can have as many pieces as you like and it's only $0.20 per post, whereas bigcartel is free with a 5 item limit, or $10 a month for unlimited.

Also Etsy is a more well known, especially for the art community. I see bigcartel as a better launching point for clothing companies and bands to sell goods.

Lets cut to the chase….. buy something

Free Urban Outfitters Sampler

Free 25 song sampler. Pretty good.

Features Long Beach locals Avi Buffalo.

Expires June 20, 2010

Click to download

Nothing says rainy day…..

like a grilled cheese sandwich

Happy rain Long Beach

Mexican blend grilled cheese with bruschetta w/ butter and parmesan coating, of course.

Also, what the hell Carls Junior; way to get the grilled cheese all wrong. The new bacon, grilled cheese burger is the dumbest idea i've ever heard. I know when I go to In-N-Out and order a grilled cheese it is to lower my meat intake. CJr. basically made another cheese burger with no veggies and added another piece of cheese. Retarded. Their commercial tells guys that they can finally stop ordering off the kids menu to get a grilled cheese. Funny, I recall being able to say "no meat" whenever the hell I felt like it. I've got an idea, I'm going to make a burger and it will be specifically made for people who love lettuce! Yea, and I'll stick a burger patty in it and 5 pieces of lettuce. Mmmmm, I'll call it the Flame Broiled Lettuce burger. Damn, I'll make millions. Then I'll film a person rubbing it all over their face and letting the burger grease drip into their cleavage while they smack their food loudly. Yum.

I've been hating Carls Jr. commercials lately…… ok for a while

Oh hello Max

Welcome back

Got my new gas tank today. It's a little more ruby than my 'maxi maroon' tank I had before, and I can tell it has been refurbished. The main thing is that it holds gas and isn't dented. I've already replaced the clutch lever and have the gear shift pedal on the way. Hard to find new seats for this fella, but once I get my pedal, he is road ready. Hooray.

Turkey onion dutch

Turkey, onion sandwich with unidentified cheese from Holland(first ingredient labeled is "cheese"….. thanks). Topped with lettuce, mayo and mustard.

Kick Out The Jams

My biggest painting so far, half sketched. MC5