My Only Cure

Loose camomile, boiled with honey, strained, with cream

I Love You, Man

I noticed this last night while I watched I Love You, Man for the third time. When Sydney pays for those billboards for Peter Klaven, he uses the picture that he took of Peter while trying on suits for his wedding. This made the James Bond themed billboard right? Then there were the others like the Ali G rip off, the cowboy one, and the muscly body billboard which were obviously photoshop with random pictures Sydney had of Peter. Although, there was one billboard that is unexplained.

In this billboard it shows the infamous picture of Paul Rudd that is all over the internet, yet never explains why Sydney has this image, nor gives a moment when it was taken. Also, we already know this image is real and had been on the internet before the movie was made. So why use it?

I suppose John Hamburg felt he had perfectly good picture of Paul Rudd that he wasn't going to put to waste, and it worked, it was still funny as hell.

So jump on it

Motorcycle fall down, go boom

It's been a long process trying to fix my previous bike and then searching for a new one. I finally bought one and took it out for it's first ride last night….. and crashed it.

Here is the story…..

New Glasses

I've got to give it up to Malcolm X

I had to go bigger since I'm not suave enough to pull off the smaller lenses, and since my head is noticeably large.

Taco Time

Hey look a taco

William Shakespeare in Corks

Latte

A tribute to my favorite scene from Evil Dead II

10 Seconds MacGruber!

So we all know SNL can make some pretty bad movies. But they also have their gems.

In honer of the new MacGruber movie coming out, which I am ecstatic for, here is a link for the trailor (embedding disabled, dammit) and a list of all the SNL character movies that have come out in the past years, just to refresh your memory.

Blast From The Past

No my title doesn't refer to that crappy Brendan Fraiser movie — this is music talk.

Today while listening to the cd that loops at my work, provided by Muzak, I heard a song that I usually just let create a nice atmosphere before it proceeds to the next song. Today was different since I made the effort to climb on a chair and read the 1/4" x 2" screen which lists the artist and title.

Pink Martini - Hang On Little Tomato

Beautiful song, but that isn't the subject of this post. As I dug deeper into the world that is Pink Martini, I noticed a description of their sound on iTunes.

"….Like the Squirrel Nut Zippers –– who were always more than just a straightforward swing revival band –– Pink Martini do more than just rehash their influences….."

Stop. Rewind. They just made a Squirrel Nut Zippers reference. Holy shit. I used to be obsessed with SNZ. I remember playing their album 'Hot' over and over and learning all the words before I could even drive. This album went platinum when released in 1996 and was a huge success with help from their single 'Hell.'

Squirrel Nut Zippers - New Music - More Music Videos

Sound familiar? Of course it does, this song was everywhere in the late 90's. Oh and that wasn't Parker Posey on guitar by the way. Fooled me

I haven't looked them up in a while but apparently they released a live album last year called 'Lost At Sea' and even have plans for a new album this year. Perfect. It's always good to see a band that you had an interest in still producing albums. They did take a 5 year hiatus starting 2001, but hey you do what you gotta do. I might also add that they have a killer christmas album that I'm pretty sure has slipped behind my stereo 3 christmas' ago.

They may have a stupid fucking name but they make some damn good swing. Here's another song to leave you with.
Bedlam Ballroom. enjoy

Pavlov's Children

You may not know it, but you have been a part of the worlds largest experiment since you stepped foot into kindergarten.

I've bought a motorcycle

This is exactly what it is like to shop for a vintage motorcycle. Glad I went with Katcha.

When did actors lose their balls?

In my life, I have never witnessed an accurate portrayal of a character in a movie throwing up. I say that confidently because it is something I look for often. Was their mouth full before they threw up? Were they facing away from the camera? My perfect film would be George Clooney ralphing into a bucket at a 45º angle, filling it with anything more than his mouth could hold– and in one shot.

Take Lance the Ipecac Guy: 

What I don't get is why our pussies of actors can't take the normal dosage and then blow chunks on film and get paid half a million dollars. Unlike little Billy and Suzy who have to force up their lunch when they accidentally swallow a penny. What you always see is a quick dash for a toilet or the floor, followed by a one-time-only spewing of 5oz of Campbells Clam Chowder from the actors mouth– I didn't pay $10.50 to see that, I want the real stuff. The other alternative is an 'Old Faithful' of bile spewing 5 feet outward as the actor stands perfectly still and at a perfect profile pose while Guillermo the FX guy pumps corn chowder through a compressed hose. 3D glasses aren't necessary to see the difference in depths between the stream and the other side of their cheek.

I know in their defense they could say it's unhealthy, especially if they have to do more than one take but all it should cost is one take. How many hospitals did Chris Nolan have to blow up in the Dark Knight?….exactly. They wouldn't even need to act, just sit there and let their stomach act for them. Now, if the scene doesn't call for a visual then so be it, but if it does it shouldn't be a shitty one.

I suppose a plus side for the actor is that they could give their personal trainer the day off.

Death Wish

What the hell is up with New York?

Skimming Cinemax today I stumbled across the 1974 movie Death Wish starring Charles Bronson aka Mr. Stone Face Mustache. He plays a man who lost his wife due to some thugs who mugged her and snuffed her and now he's pissed. Then JR from Dallas gives him a pistol and he goes fucking crazy.

What I don't understand is why this guy ends up getting mugged every time he leaves his apartment. "Hey I think ill get groceries" *MUGGED* "Ill take a stroll in the park" *MUGGED* "I feel like getting mugged" *MUGGED.* I don't get is why they chose him every single time. They passed tens of old ladies and didn't even notice, and we all know those are the only people you can legally rob.

What I want to know is, what the fuck New York? You've got more muggers than residents, midgets selling newspapers on the corner, and cops who let this obvious murderer get away, after knowing it was him leaving dead bodies all over town. I understand now why I haven't seen a tourist ad on tv to come vacation in NY; I'll stay on the west side.

Look at this fucking hipster

A blog that never seises to entertain me. Their new target has been the band Teen Hearts who, after LATFH.com posted their music video poking fun, wrote the website a nasty email.

Don't mess with people who have their own (quite popular) websites.

Read it here.

Vampire Weekend

Digital

by Mike Oncley

I love my job

The white board at work. "Someone pooped & it was on the bathroom floor!"

Spicy Soft Tacos

Chicken tacos, extra spicy with cayenne pepper and jalapeños.

Noodles and Beer

Street Dog

Why go out? Especially when you can make your own street dogs.

Chicken Salad Salad

I made a chicken salad….. and then put it on top of lettuce. Chicken, red onion, celery, almonds, hard b'd egg, mayo and a lot of vinegar.

View-O-Meter

Looking at my Youtube videos in order of popularity always helps me choose what my next art project will be. It also shows me what people are looking for on youtube. Here is my current, top ten watched videos from my YouTube art channel 'HEYELEFANTE':

Please don't wine pt.2

Organizing can be fun kids. Keep it color coordinated.

raw.dark.medium.light.raw

Poor guy

Can you tell which one plays for the Banglas?

The Washed Up Karate Guy Next Door

Hey Jackie, you suck now and have a girls name.

Morrissey Spray Paint

The original music for this clip was a remix of the Morrissey song Suedehead, which fit perfectly but YouTube copyrights claimed it was property of WMG so I put Rush by The Seatbelts instead.

BLTC

Bacon. Lettuce. Tomato. Cucumber.

Best invention for bacon lovers…..the bacon press; preventing wavy bacon since forever.

New Years Highlights (2009-2010)

My friends love me


Nothing says happy new year like 25 drunk people singing Miley Cyrus.


My new Flip camera is fat and ugly


Drunk talk


Kevin Leon (sounds like 'knife,' supposed to be 'life')


Clean up. Take note, Danny Hutto refers to the cans as "half-full." What an optimist


Family couch

Please don't wine

My new project supplies arrived today. This bumps me up to three simultaneous art projects that I'm working on right now….. very slowly.

Boink Boink

Bock bock, oink oink. Chicken and honey baked ham sandwich. Tomato, avocado and spinach. I also used Baconnaise for dressing, which I think tastes more like baloney than bacon. The bread isn't toasted, I sprayed balsamic vinegar on top for some extra sting.

Interview with a Gilliam

Here is a very lengthy and interesting interview with Terry Gilliam by Nick Gazin of Vice.

New Project

Part 2: Paste it

A death becomes him… yet again

Today I received news that stung me in the face. I learned from an experienced mechanic that my scooter is better off dead. Yet, if all limits are self imposed then I must keep with my ultimate goal.

New Project

Part 1: Sketch it

Search Stories

Google has a new ad campaign deemed "Search Stories" which follows an individual through a series of searches to better their life with google. Five minutes after watching one of these I felt like making my own version. The Paris one is good too.

ORIGINAL



MY VERSION

New Years Feast

The Oncley family decided lobster tail and crab legs would be a sufficient meal to welcome 2010 into our lives. Not before having some cheese on toast.

…. and as soon as it came, it went; as does the year.