Saturday, January 16, 2010

When did actors lose their balls?



In my life, I have never witnessed an accurate portrayal of a character in a movie throwing up. I say that confidently because it is something I look for often. Was their mouth full before they threw up? Were they facing away from the camera? My perfect film would be George Clooney ralphing into a bucket at a 45ยบ angle, filling it with anything more than his mouth could hold– and in one shot.

Take Lance the Ipecac Guy: 

What I don't get is why our pussies of actors can't take the normal dosage and then blow chunks on film and get paid half a million dollars. Unlike little Billy and Suzy who have to force up their lunch when they accidentally swallow a penny. What you always see is a quick dash for a toilet or the floor, followed by a one-time-only spewing of 5oz of Campbells Clam Chowder from the actors mouth– I didn't pay $10.50 to see that, I want the real stuff. The other alternative is an 'Old Faithful' of bile spewing 5 feet outward as the actor stands perfectly still and at a perfect profile pose while Guillermo the FX guy pumps corn chowder through a compressed hose. 3D glasses aren't necessary to see the difference in depths between the stream and the other side of their cheek.

I know in their defense they could say it's unhealthy, especially if they have to do more than one take but all it should cost is one take. How many hospitals did Chris Nolan have to blow up in the Dark Knight?….exactly. They wouldn't even need to act, just sit there and let their stomach act for them. Now, if the scene doesn't call for a visual then so be it, but if it does it shouldn't be a shitty one.

I suppose a plus side for the actor is that they could give their personal trainer the day off.

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