What I Got for Christmas

Schultzbucks

New project

The Most Wonderful Time

"....There'll be parties for hosting
Marshmallows for toasting
And caroling out in the snow 
There'll be scary ghost stories 
And tales of the glories of 
Christmases long, long ago...."


Wait did he say ghost stories? Yes.... "there'll be scary ghost stories", right there it says it. Who is telling ghost stories on Christmas?! And what could possibly be labeled as a Christmas time ghost story?


".... and when she checked her stocking in the morning, all that was in it was a severed head with words carved into it's forehead..... 'Ho, ho, ho.' Well goodnight!"


Isn't Christmas about happy times? Aren't the only ghosts involved here to tell us to be nicer to Tiny Tim? A part of me thinks that if we aren't telling ghost stories, and Andy Williams thinks we should, we might as well start. He seems like a pretty smart guy.

Im pretty confused on the subject already.

I've got it! "Christmases long long ago."? He must be from the future! The future that contains an evil robot santa who thinks everyone is naughty, and now he just sings about past Christmases to cope with the new crappy one. It all makes sense now.

Where Was This One?

I had to do it.

Backstory

I appreciate an artist who is willing to have a little backstory about their art piece.

get the print here

A Motion Theory Xmas

Merry merry motion

click photo for the entire album

My every morning

Cha-Ching

Tuscan Tuna Rip off

So at the cafe I work at, we have a tuna wrap called the Tuscan Tuna Wrap. I brought two home yesterday and had them in the fridge. After a couple hours at some art galleries in culver city with no food, I was thinking about those wraps my whole drive home. Come to find they had both been eaten over night/morning. In a huge internal rage, I grabbed everything that looked good and made my own. It was epic.

Tuna, mayo, tomatoes, carrots, onions, lettuce, havarti cheese, banana peppers and Bobs Big Boy ranch dressing.

Xtra Normal

I wanted to try out XtraNormal.com to see how it worked and such. Being short of a script, I dug into the depths of my blog and used my short about buying milk for the sake of drinking it. Some of the punctuation and pronunciation is a bit queer but it works for my first try.



Pretty simple to use.

Thrice for MSL

Music Saves Lives recently gave me the opportunity to art all over a fresh Gibson melody maker guitar. After my work was done MSL got all of Thrice to sign it and the guitar is now up for auction on eBay with all proceeds going towards Music Saves Lives and their great cause.

Check out the guitar and break out the check books, you have until December 6th.

Rushmore

The latest

Finally Done

Oncle

Bro, I'm so french

Webcam Girl

This is my new favorite thing in the whole world

Wall St. Manor: Episode 3

The best yet. Mark Rio!

L 7 Square

Last year I was approached with a proposition to buy a credit card machine so I may charge folks for items me or my band may be selling. It was $300 for the machine(not for keepsies), then $30 monthly for service fees, and then they also took a little cut from each sale. After pondering for a bit and considering, "Well if I sell a shit ton of things then it'll even itself out" I decided to pass. Why can't I just charge people from their cards without all the extra charges? Enter Square.

This is not a commercial for Square, more of a "well looky here" kind of thing.

Square is like if PayPal reached out of your computer and hopped in your pocket. There is a PayPal app for iPhone, but you're still stuck just sending email requests for money like a shy gopher. With Square, it allows you to turn your phone into a credit card scanner and get right in the action..... like a more outgoing gopher, with more friends.

Without doing any research, what I hear about Square is that it's the folks from Twitter who made it and it is boss. You sign up, which involves giving your social (yikes, we'll see if I've been robbed soon) and then right away they ship you a little card reader that you can stick in your iPhones headphone jack. That's right, headphone jack. I don't know how it works but it does. I got to see one in action today. The best part is that the reader is free and there are no processing fees. Just a 2.75% tax on income and that's it. It works just like PayPal and might be giving it a run for its money.....

Sign up if you've been persuaded

Steezattle

Here I am again

Come on Cafe

So for a while I got consumed by fiberglass and bondo and any other vehicle "fixer-upper."I started to shape my own motorcycle seat and was super stoked on the whole process. Well as luck would have it the seat I made looked like a pile of shit..... I couldn't even think of anything clever just now, it looked that bad.  Here are some examples.

I just threw up looking at that again.

After that fiasco, I checked out some other methods and decided to dive in. My main goal was for a cafe seat for Max the Yamaha XS360 while maintaining a 2-up seat so I could carry a passenger. The reason I was so fixated on making my own is because no one makes seats for this bike, that exact way unless you want to pay twice and much for someone to custom build one for you. No thanks, I'm kinda handy.

The XS model also has this strange design of having the taillight at the top of the backseat, instead of at the bottom, causing more work when converting to more of a cafe style.

Anyways, the final method I settled on was purchasing a used seat that matched my current, unaltered, seat I had and then simply cutting a chunk out of it and covering it in vinyl. Well guess what, it worked. For any cafe seat enthusiasts out there who are in as much of a pickle as I was, I suggest this method. For all others, you might want to find a nice 1-up fiberglass seat for yourself.

Then a quick drop off to a nearby upholstery shop and voila!

If I learned anything it's to leave the hard stuff up to the professionals. I still kept the original just in case I ever get sick of this seat, but so far I'm happy as a clam. Are clams happy? If they are I share their joy.

Planes, Trains and Galifianakis

I need to get home to see my family but I need help from this kooky guy with facial hair.

I'm still going to go see it.

Google Maps Find of the Day

Something doesn't quite fit

Beef Tornado

Me and my family have quoted this for years, now it's your turn.

Smells like....

http://www.etsy.com/shop/mikeoncley

Thunder Dogs

It's raining in Long Beach and Coco is scared of the thunder. My knee space has become his hiding cave

Poison - Ozono

So in 2004 I had the privilege to work with Malin Ackerman, aka Silk Spectre II from Watchmen. I was 16 years old and in a New York Film Camp for music videos. Her band at the time let us shoot them and our setting got to be the abandoned lab from Jurassic Park II on the Universal Studios lot. My teacher was Mike Sloat who, among other things, was really good friends with Chris Milk (see previous post).




I think they changed their name to Petal Stones or something.

Update 10/16/10: I just found out through youtube searches that they used our recorded footage from 2004 for future editing classes to work with. Damn, can we film some footage or what?

Wilderness Downtown

The most original experience you've ever seen so far. Chris Milk has showed his talents in many of his music videos, but this one is by far the most creative I have ever seen. Bravo Mr. Milk, and bravo Mr. Fire.

get a little wild

Snuggy.... Now with Small Pox

Ok, so as the story goes, settlers come, discover America for the 2nd time, slaughter a bunch of natives, but what I want to know is how on earth did John Smith successfully deliver smallpox infested blankets to these people? Wouldn't the white guy that dropped them off get smallpox? Would he already be in some sort of stage 1 smallpox that is easily noticed by the Indian? Wouldn't he act suspicious in some ways? I could imagine,

"Hey I have a gift for you!"
"Sweet, what is it?"
"Nice warm new handmade blankets!" 
"Rad, I'm like so cold at night."
"Yea no prob bud."
"Cool... well, where are they?"
"Oh just on the end of this rope, a half-mile away"
"Oh, a bit odd, but sure. Ill just pull it i--"
"No no no no!"
"What"
"Lemme just, uh, just let me get to a good distance."
"Distance?"
"Yea... uh.... because you're gonna be soooo surprised. I just want to give you enough room"
"....alright"
"Yea so just enjoy. Be sure to stay warm tonight in those. Roll around in them and stuff."
[Captain Joe Shmo walks away]
"What a strange person. But I sure can't wait to get me some blanket action!"

I would be a little weary of those blankets from the first smallpoxy "achoo" coming off the guy (they sneeze right?)

Maybe they Just made them super fashionable and everybody went nuts for them regardless.
"This blanket makes me itch..... but it goes perfect with my buffalo skin leg warmers!"

Fred: The Movie!

My prayers have been answered! Also I think this is John Cena's big comeback to the big screen.

Computer 4 Dead

I bought Left 4 Dead a while back and have had endless difficulties being able to play it. Either wrong processor or not enough memory and so on and so forth. Yesterday was its release onto Mac OS X so all of the Steve Jobbers can play too.... except for one of them.

I suppose it is time to face the music and deem my laptop as obsolete in this cruel cruel world, and this time I DID have the right processor and just enough memory! Although, without a proper graphics card, where does that leave me as a wannabe graphic designer? So I suppose declaring my next purchase to be a laptop to benefit my future is a strong and acceptable statement. Plus I'll get to use my old laptop as one of those stay-at-home laptops, you know, the ones that just sit on the desk and are constantly plugged in! You just open it up and treat it like a desktop computer even though it's like "I aint no desktop computer! Why haven't I left this desk in weeks? Do you still love me?"

At least I can still play CS: Source

Justin Bieber and Spaghetti Cat

Aires November 1st!

Kurt

Kurt

Graphite. Colored Digitally.

by Mike Oncley

Pussí

Ladies and gentlemen, Danny Hutto

Phil's Song

Have you ever put in a cd that iTunes didn't recognize, so it just put the song titles that they thought were the right ones in it's place. Well my dad enjoys writing and recording his original songs every now and then and also enjoys putting them on discs. Well lucky for us his car has the same "title prediction software" for it's display screen as iTunes.

My new favorite song by him is now "I farted on santas lap."

New Page!

I've added a new page to my blog. I now am selling my art prints directly from my blog to cut out those GD fees from Etsy. I will still post my works on Etsy, but I now offer this artist friendly alternative as well.

Enjoy my new collection!....  click HERE to see it, but also click over there (points to right side of page) to see my "Art For Sale" link.

I'm out!

Human Centipede

So we've all seen the ad for Human Centipede. Well I've had some thoughts about how the human centipede would really work out.... if done for real though.

Fatty Fronty - This thing is connected by the gastric system so, the front man will be the only one doing the eating. Each person still has their own stomach, so the only one really getting any nutrients from food is the front man. Also, I doubt this thing can move very well, so a whole lot of sitting and eating can lead to one big fatty.

Dead Middle - Doesn't eating poop kill you? I know German skat eaters can get away with swishing it around in their mouths, but doesn't trying to turn someone else's poop into your own poop open someone wormhole is time and kill you? Something like that. Plus talk about no nutritional value. Fatty McGee already sucked those up for himself. Bottom Line, whoever is in the middle is going to eat shit and die.

Skinny Legs - It's pretty apparent now that the last person is going to get little to no food at all, especially if the person in front of them dies!

Imagine a hippo, sitting on dead Klaus Barbi, sitting on Ally Mcbeal. Just no good.

Aside from these overlooked details, I still want to see this movie. It might become my new favorite cheesy horror movie right after Night of the Creeps.

Summer needs a calendar

Hey summer, way to be a month late. If I didn't have that fan, Coco might have melted into a hairy puddle.

Catfish

Must... see.... this.... movie

Where Is My Mind?

ok...... see you guys in 8 days

Photo or Video?

 Leaving the video setting on at Disneyland. Also we got our faces painted

Food and cameras

Now that I've upgraded my cellular instrument it's easier to take good quality photos on the fly. Last night it was southwest tacos with sliced tri tip and chicken cooked in red salsa, cheese and cottage cheese topped with more cheese and avocado.

Then, today it was a turkey sandwich filled with (in this order) hummus, tomato, spinach, cucumber, turkey, avocado, muenster cheese, and horseradish Dijon mayo on wheat bread.

Can't wait for dinner

Chinese Pancake

What do the chinese know about pancakes?

Apparently everything.

I was introduced to this sucker in Seattle at Voulas and boy was it tasty. This monster is a giant pancake with an egg dropped inside along with sliced ham. My version came out pretty darn good. The only difference between mine and their is that all I had was blueberry pancake batter and turkey instead of ham. Oh well, it looks like a pile of puke, but tastes like Ms. Butterworth and a Turkey are making love on your taste buds.

Serving size for the package of batter was 8..... I made 1. Sorry for the blurry picture, I was running towards the pancake to eat it.

Wall Street Manor Eps. 2

Breakfast sandwich

Hash browns, eggs, veggie patty, grilled lettuce, havarti cheese on a bun with spicy mayo and ketchup. Hello breakfast.

Also, check out that quality iPhone pic. Ba-zing

Vac Man

Honestly, I liked playing with this a little bit more than my stretch armstrong for a few reasons.

1) He stayed stretched! How cool is that? and even if you didn't suck all of the air out of him, he could still stretch and release like Mr. Armstrong.

2) No corn syrup. Health nuts try to avoid it in their food, I try to avoid it in my toys.

3) The release button. This is when it got crazy and with a touch of a button he shrunk back to normal size. Now in writing that seems like some toy in the future.... not 1994.

4) He's naked. Whenever I would stretch Stretch, his bike riding shorts (or whatever they were) would find someway of interfering with my stretching fun. Vac Man knows how to party.

and 5) His name is Vac Man.

I loved my Stretch Armstrong and his little dog too, but when his armpit gave way and a sea of corn syrup covered my room, I still had my little vacuumed friend to play with. 

90's toys kicked ass

Cartoon dog

Le Luff

Shout out to Le Love for showing me some of it.