Mike Oncley's Tales of Horror Part 4

Electric Eat 1964

by Robert Indiana

In 1964, before the zombie fad

There was an army of zombies Robert Indiana had

They lived on his ranch, and had space to run

Each one of them felt to be Robs daughter or son

He fed them and bathed them and cared for them deeply

He didn’t find these rotting corpses creepy

Night and day he would tend to their needs

Early morning runs and late night feeds

They say when you love someone, to let them be free

So that’s what he did when he got out his key

He unlocked the door and showed them the way

To freedom of choice, but the zombies didn’t obey

They just seemed confused, looking for a meal

No motivation to gather, none to steal

Roberts training had failed, they were used to being fed

So he constructed a sign that would help out the dead

A reminder to EAT, yes EAT everything

"Get it yourself, there is no food I will bring”

So the living dead feasted and bit and chewed

The living ran in terror as the dead did pursue

Keeping in mind to keep that sign in view

or else they may forget what to do

After weeks of feasting on animal entrails

Robert Indiana was shocked at all the killing this entailed

"I fed you grains and legumes and soy!

I never wanted death when my zombies were deployed"

So he quickly ran to the source of their thoughts

A brightly lit EAT, burning at 3 million WATTS

He then bent down to the lower left side

and loosened some bulbs to loosen the zombie's pride

FAT the sign read, “You’re all getting fat!

Put down those brains and eat healthy snacks"

The zombies were outraged, betrayed by their father

“We can’t fight our instincts, don’t be a bother!”

Thus began the great zombie migration

Greatly offended, they headed to the train station

“But where will you go?” asked Robert in confusion

“Maybe the woods, to scare kids who are boozin

or to the snow to leap out at campers

or maybe the desert to party with the vampires”

With a whistle and steam, the locomotive was gone

When Robert got home, the lights were still on

He unplugged the sign, ashamed at his ignorance

forever saddened by the absence within his fence

It wasn't till ’07 that Robert fixed the sign

Tightened the bulbs and brought it inside

Facing his window he hoped it’d be seen

and that his zombie family would return home, to EAT

by Mike Oncley


Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

Mike Oncley's Tales of Horror Part 3

Vote McGovern 1972

by Andy Warhol

In 1969, our boy Richard Nixon died

“Oh Mike, you must be mistaken.” You’re thinking inside

But nay! Nixon, had a head on collision

In his President’s limo cause by the car driver’s bad vision

But the sun roof was open and old Nixon got snagged

Popped his head clean off and into his bag

His men did scramble to get him some aid

They thought of one name, but they were all too afraid

"Old Dr. Andy Warhol, he’ll know what to do

I heard he re-animated a thing or two”

So they took in the head, and the body came next

and begged mr. warhol to "at least try his best!”

So they showed him their goods, and from what he could tell

“That bodies too old” Andy said, “it’s beginning to smell

Come to the pantry, I'll see what I’ve got”

So he looked through his bodies that hadn’t begun to rot

“Here’s a fresh one! His name’s Brian Jones.

He’ll have the head of old Nixon, and a body from the Rolling Stones"

So he jammed on the head, a staple in back, a staple up front

He began to speak! About politics and that you can’t always get what you want

A little more stapling, the job was complete

They loosened the straps, he stood to his feet!

A look to his left, a look to his right

He walked to the car, and got on with a presidents life

Come time for reelection in 1972

Nixon policies stunk, and Andy knew what to do

He grabbed his brush and an old photo he took

Painted Nixons face green, with it’s menacing look

to tell the world of this monster, that he had created

But Nixon fought on, he toured and debated

So Andy then planned to throw the party of the year

To inform everyone of the monster we’ve got here

"My new club in Soho, it’s called “Watergate”

We’ll all meet up there, try not to be late!"

Soon Nixon got word, it traveled quite quickly

He knew of the party, of his face looking sickly

He sent out his men, to bug up the place

“Do it quickly, and don’t leave a trace!”

So they did what he said, at their speediest pace

Only noticing the name on this space

Not taking note of the address on the building

With Nixon’s new handwriting, the map was confusing

Now, if you think about all of the coming events

that we all know from the history of our governments

The cases, the questions, recordings and lying

All leading up to old Nixon resigning

It’s safe to say Andy won their game

of who could cause the other party the most shame

Quickly ending the rein of old Nixon

It seemed that this monster, was AGAIN, in need of some fixin

by Mike Oncley


Part 1
Part 2
Part 4 

Mike Oncley's Tales of Horror Part 2

Double Elvis 1963 & 1976

by Andy Warhol

As not many of you may know

There was much more behind that little white fro

Andy Warhol was not only mad

But a mad scientist, who wasn’t half bad

A couple love potions, a guy back from the dead

He even sewed Brian Jones(rolling stones) body to Richard Nixon’s head!

By the time word hit his A-list clients

A young southern boy said he wanted to try it

“Try what?” asked Andy, “You’re being quite vague”

“Any experiment!” responded Elvis, “transplant my leg!”

But Andy knew better, not to waste his great skills

The machine he then described, gave Elvis chills

“From here to there, to any time, I’ll move all your atoms!"

“Time travel exists?” Elvis could not even fathom

"I’ll load you in here, you exit right there

Simple as that no need to be scared.

The question now is what time you’d appear”

“Try 1976, that sound like a good year”

So Mr. Presley hopped in, Andy set his date

No one foresaw Presley’s new fate.

As many may know, teleportation is scary

When one side moves over, results may vary

Say, if a fly flew in to one side

You’d have Flyvis, the sexy bug with southern pride

Fortunately for our protagonist, there was no fly

Simple absence of matter, so the machine gave it a try

It sent Elvis flying, through time and through space

Well, half of him that is, his hips and that handsome face

What was left behind wasn’t the man we know

But a lesser being, who could still play a good show

Less self control and a little bit fatter

Elvis2 was half the man, but twice the matter

So the world would have to settle for these identity tricks

Until Elvis1 would appear in 1976

13-years of solace, in galaxies above

Elvis1 returned, ready for his hat and gloves

Andy welcomed him with worry in his eyes

“The other you's been performing, and eating all the pies”

Elvis1 quickly took off, to meet this imposter

to hopefully redeem the image left by this monster

With talking and planning, it took them a year

to finally decide what they’d have do here

“The name has been soiled, Elvis is dead,

Lets go to a place I’ve spent some time in instead”

We’ll go out in space, we’ll dance in the stars

Where we’re going, we need no guitars

So In 1977 the Elvis’ took action

They approached the machine and decided to pack in

"Both in one? Maybe we’ll merge”

Although years before this caused them to diverge

So in they went, 4 fingers crossed

Andy set the coordinates, destination: Lost

A pull of the switch, a turn of a knob

A great flashing light, the Elvis were gone

So now anytime you see a star, or read of Elvis’ fall from grace

You can thank Andy Warhol, for sending Elvis to space

by Mike Oncley

Part 1
Part 3
Part 4 

Mike Oncley's Tales of Horror Part 1

Last night I had the privilege of leading a tour at the Seattle Art Museum.

I added a red censor since photos are not allowed in SAM(shhhhh)

I was part of the "My Favorite Things" tour during the October 30th, 2014 "Community Night Out" at the museum. In the spirit of Halloween, I decided to make my false backstories have a bit of a spooky twist.

For anyone who couldn't make it, I will be posting my 4 stories in order on my website. The painting that helped kick off my tales of terror was Roy Lichtenstein's "Study for Vicki".

Study for Vicki! 1964
by Roy Lichtenstein

The old creaky house with the mailbox outside

is were Mr. Jones and his wife Vicki reside.

A worn welcome mat and their name on the door

The Jones’ had moved in a long time before.

As the red wallpaper tore and the carpets grew mold

their passion fueled marriage somehow grew cold.

As Vicki’s attention soon moved to her writing

Mr. Jones and his wife had to work through the fighting.

"We’ll go to a counselor, they’ll tell us what to do"

“Oh I assume you want me to pay for that too!”

So they never got counseled, they just stayed home

Two people present, but both so alone.

A traditional man, and stubborn as hell

he knew a divorce was what he had smelled.

“I can’t do that! Lose half of my stuff!”

So his next idea was a little off the cuff

He started to pace and ponder and sway,

"What if she dies? Then I don’t have to pay”

Without missing a beat, he planned in his head

the way in which he’d make his wife DEAD.

After breakfast the next morning, he kissed her goodbye

"Don’t wait up honey, I’m working late” he had lied.

Later that evening, upon Mr. Jones return,

Vicki was asleep and her husbands decision was firm.

He snuck to their room with only one thing he could see

The 6 figure amount on her life insurance policy.

As his hands dove into the space below her chin

Vicki’s future was beginning to look grim.

Normally in the story, the hero enters to save her

But Vicki’s fate was a just a little bit graver.

Mr. Jones was no doctor, and he wasn’t that strong

but the look in her eyes, he knew Vicki was gone.

With his hands trembling, the moon still in the sky

He retired to the couch, to get some shut eye.

Mr. Jones dreamt of his story, home invasion gone fatal.

He awoke to the sound of plates on a table.

The sun had come up and the room smelled delicious.

Someone had made breakfast, and was putting out dishes?

“Did I dream up last night? Is someone else here?

The police? The in-laws? my boss Mr. Grier?"

Then, what he heard was as clear as day,

“Breakfast is ready” just like his wife used to say.

In fact, it smelled how her breakfasts smelled, that certain way.

As he pulled back the door and his heart began to race

He didn’t know what he’d do if he saw that face.

His skinned turned white from it’s normal, spotted red

“Vicki! I-I thought I heard your voice!” he said.

It was her, alive, just setting the table,

In fact she looked healthy, happy and able.

The only thing off was the surprise in her stance

When her husband walked in and gave her a glance.

“Mr. Jones Found Dead” was the headline she had hoped to see

When she sprinkled the poison into his Wheaties.

"He said he’d work late, the end is nigh

He’ll collapse on the job and I’ll have my alibi"

Vicki had thought, the morning before,

Little did she know how slowly the poison would absorb.

By the time that cocktail reached Mr. Jones heart

He had already strangled his wife and was sleeping apart.

Now it’s not every day you can murder your own killer

But eternity with them sounds an oddly bit chiller.

The murder they thought would separate them from their spouse

Only caused the haunting of that old creaky house.

by Mike Oncley

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Three-Seventy

What happened last night?

Stache Bar

Great, fairly new, bar in Long Beach. The Stache is small and personal. They have board games behind the counter and they make they're own ginger beer. They also have great unique drinks on and off the tap. Disregarding their fad oriented name, it's really a great place. Check it out if you're around the area.

941 E 4th Long Beach

90's Conquer All

We just got done watching Salute Your Shorts and are going to sit down over a nice warm Kid's Cuisine for dinner.

Happy Birthday to Mr. Jole Sanchez and my dad(he's not in this photo)

iGroovie

I finally got the curage to try my luck with the newest iMovie. Finally. Not so bad once I understood it. I might add I'm also using iPhoto after shunning it previously. Hey, it got better.

Unwrittin

Sometimes I just shut my mouth and watch things play out.

Pussí

Ladies and gentlemen, Danny Hutto

Don't Fall Asleep With Your Shoes On

Lord of the Dance

May 1, El Squid Roe, Cabo San Lucas, Mexico

There is no question, this guy made our night



We all contemplated whether or not this guy takes home girls frequently. Half of us said yes and half of us said no. The way I see it, if you are having a good time at a bar, being outgoing, and getting girls to dance with you then you are most likely getting some action 60% of your nights out. Girls go to bars to have fun, take off their shoes and dance, and if you can get into that mix for a night then you're in. We agreed that a long term girlfriend was probably out of the question for this guy but he did use his power of the dance to lure my sister into his tractor beam of funk.



I'll stick to my wall flower technique though

Adventures in Dip

Me and Ryan have never done dip before, but he got a bunch to pass out at his job with Camel. I don't recommend it.

Johnny Cupcakes

My boy Steve Shinnerer showed us around the Johnny Cupcakes store on Melrose last night for the Johnny Cupcakes Suitcase Tour 2K10. Disney imagineers made this an awesome little shirt shop.


We got to meet Johnny himself and check out the store before the main line was let in. Try and catch a date of the tour, 15 stops left.

Steve's doing all the filming for the tour and it all looks swell. Aside from the link above, check out Steve's work here.

Last night

Guido themed party in Seal Beach….. I didn't dress up

Hollyweird

Last night was the 2010 kickoff party for Music Saves Lives at H.Wood in Hollywood. It was a fun night, mainly because of our interesting 45 min walk to the bar and the fact the the bar was comped from 9-12. Here are some videos I shot.

HOME BASE



JOURNEY TO H.WOOD




PARTY TIME



HEADING HOME

After this video was taken I jumped out the car and killed myself. I was OK.