Mike's 25 random facts

1. My goal in life is to be able to survive while being an artist of any sort (musically or the other kind)

2. I feel naked without my glasses. like really really naked.

3. i'm embarrassed of my workers hands

4. i was voted funniest student in 8th grade

5. Im actually very shy (been working on it)

6. i've never been in a real fight, although i did get punched in the eye for calling a kid an idiot in little league....he was my teammate.

7. When i was little i once peed my pants on the matterhorn before the ride even started

8. I used to only look people in the mouth when they spoke....if not their mouth, away from their face completely. I've worked on this also.

9. i've probably only read two real books front to back in my lifetime. really

10. The Coachella lineup is amazing this year, honestly mind blowing.....but i really dont want to go.

11. I've never been stung by a bee

12. The only bone in my body i've broken is my nose, which i then got rhinoplasty to correct.

13. May of 2008 i hyperventilated my way into the hospital. i got to the point where i couldnt see or comprehend what was going on.

14. i've kissed four girls in my life (also working on it)

15. When i drink i become everyones best friend

16. i really like animals

17. i eat extremely fast and i get it from my mother

18. i prefer gloom to a hot sunny day ANYDAY

19. i am slightly afraid of heights. If there isn't a good safety device to keep me in place my legs get weak.

20. i wish i could grow better facial hair. like luke wilson in The Royal Tanimbaums. yeeeaaahh

21. the family pets in my lifetime have included:
squeaky - hamster
speedy - lizard
whiskers - rat
noodles - rat
booger - parakeet
angel - parakeet
2 unnamed rats
2 unnamed mice who had 10 unnamed babies
guido - dog
sassy - dog
coco - dog
jason - tarantula
too many fish
3 asshole frogs
and i think that's all of them

22. i don't like to break rules or hurt peoples feelings

23. i have acute scoliosis

24. I've been a student at 7 different schools in my life

25. there are a million Mikes in the world but there is only one Mike Oncley and im proud of that

Beaver

Holy crap. what a great christmas eve!

i had work at 11, whatever. but then my whole family sat down and ate a duck dinner. it was just like the scene from A Christmas Story when they go to the chinese restaurant....only we made it ourselves. THEN we all played catch phrase.....me and my sis won. that was followed by xmas charades....me and my mom worked my sis and dad. After that we opened our stockings, oncley tradition for xmas eve night. i got a lot of air fresheners since apparently i smell in every aspect of life. Then we all sat down by the fire and watched A Christmas Story, it was a toss up between that, Home Alone, and Meet Me In St. Luis. Now im in bed watching adult swim and on my laptop. too good. and tomorrow i get REAL gifts. sa-weet.

i feel like the cleavers! well.....the cleavers on the verge of 2009.

Zach and Miri make bum porn

So i finally saw zach and miri make a porno, which i didnt think i would ever see....but i did. But i must say i really really liked it alot. good story and some people said it moved to slow or dwelled on certain parts of the film but i thought it was very good. One complaint i heard about "BE Kind Rewind"(cause i didnt see it myself) was that it didnt have enough scenes of them making the movies, it was mainly showing how jack black became magnetic. But Zach and Miri had like 25 minutes of them thinking of porno names, which i might add are all original and dont dip into my elementary school ages when me and my friends would make up all the cliche porno parody titles. But long story short, its a good movie. go see it. and if you dont like it you have no soul and should be sterilized......or maybe you just like different kinds of movies.

oh, and one thing that bugged me. Jason Mewes who always plays Jay from jay and silent bob, and who played Lester in this movie, whats the hell is up with his teeth?! i mean, ive seen clerks and clerks II and dogma and Jay and silent bob strike back and his teeth dont look as funky as they do in this movie. it was really bugging me.

Halloween

I sitting at my front door as i write this since i am handing out candy for the peeps from the neighborhood(and hawaiin gardens). There's nothing i hate more than a smart ass kid.....

(mike presses the fog machine button)

Kid dressed as Star Wars clone: Is there a button for that smoke?

Mike: Yes

Clone: where's the button?

Mike: it's a secret button

Clone: can i press it?

Mike: no its a secret

Clone: where is it?

Mike: its underground, in a coffin

Clone: no it's not

Mike:(in head) i hate you

[i am wearing my hockey mask with bullet holes and blood on it]

a second Clone asks: Why is there blood on your face?

Mike: Because im DEAD!

Clone1: no you're not

Clone2: how do you make that smoke?!

Mike:(cheering up) it's MAGIC smoke!

back to Clone1: No it's not, you can buy that in stores

Mike: (in head) fuck you

Clone: make it smoke again

Mike: i can't it has to warm up

Clone: the fog has to warm up?

Mike:......yes

Clone: well do it i want to see it

Mike: (pressing button)....it's not ready yet...oh there it goes(fog up kids face)

now the kid is just standing there....his parents are waiting at the foot of my driveway and his 3 friends already got the candy and left.

Clone: i wanna stand in the fog, i cant see anything

Clone Father: cmon (clone) lets go

kid finally leaves and i punch myself in the balls to sterilize myself.

i hope my kids arent jackasses

I Am Legend

Holy crap. i finally saw I Am Legend today....well, i didnt see it from the beginning but i started only about 10 minutes in so it still counts!

I thought it was a good movie, i heard some opinions on it and majority were negative. But it was sweeeeeeeeeet. But the main reason i write was for the fucking fist clenching tear jerking dog scene. Holy crap, if you know me you know i love dogs but this was just too much! If you havent seen this movie stop reading: but the scene were his dog gets the virus and he is singing to him fucking got to me! oh man. The dog just saved the guys life, there was a knife in will smiths leg and two(or three) infected dogs are about to attack him and his fucking dogs SAVES HIS LIFE! and gets mauled in the process. So will smith injects the dog with the "cure" and holds him and starts to sing to him. This guy has been alone for years and years with his only friend being this dog who has helped him out since day one. Its dying in his arms and slowly turning into a blood thirsty creature. As will smith is singing he notices the dogs hair starts to fall out, his eyes start becoming bloodshot and veiny and veins run through his gums and start to turn his teeth a yellowy color. Right after this the dog starts to snap at will smith, his friend who he has loved for years! The camera zooms into will smiths face with tears running down and a look of stress in his face, you hearing whimpering and whining. He is strangling the only friend he has had in this world of infected creatures. he talks to his dog, he risked his own life to save the dog and now the dog risked his to save will smiths. as he strangles his now infected friend you hear little dog toe nails clicking on the hard floor of the lab they are in, im fucking glued to my seat. this is so depressing to hear this, a sound i attach to my own dogs running indoors is now the sound of a once passionate creature gripping onto the last breath of life it has. then he lets go of the dog and it is dead. he has now lost everything in life he cared about. holy shit.

don't ever make me kill my dog

Doesn't it feel great

Im sitting in my garage watching a thin red piece of paper dry onto a silk screen and i couldnt be happier. This has to be the best time of the year when the shift from hot to nice and breezy comes through. I didnt work today, and i dont go to my normal job for an entire week, i have some art projects to do, im all caught up on my school work at the moment, the job that i AM going to throughout the week starts at 9 am so i can stay out late and sleep in (8:30 is sleeping in for me), and all of this put together makes me feel fucking amazing. Also since my tape deck and CD player is broken in my car i have been listening to KRTH 101 which is just the greatest radio station ever and plays songs that only add to my euphoria.

Maybe this is why i like halloween so much, it just FEELS good outside. Then comes thanksgiving, where i get to hangout with my entire family and my bands CD comes out, and then xmas which is just plain groovy. The days are on a roll.

viva la vida

Fuck fuck Rite-Aid

taking pictures is fun but there always seems to be something that goes wrong in the developing stage.

At noon today I headed over to the Rite Aid/One Hour photo near my house to drop off some film. Im excited about the film because i bought new lomo film with brighter colors and used Danny's fisheye camera AND all the pics are from my friends surprise birthday party which was neat-o. I tell the kid behind the counter im hear to develop and he directs me towards the envelopes. I fill one out and hand him the envelope and the film. shazaam, awesome, now it just come back in an hour and everything is gravy. right?

i end up getting busy at home and go back at 4pm. When i come back a different guy is working. He obviously does not speak english with ease. I tell him im there to pick up film, after some confusion he realizes what i need. He asks my last name,

"Oncley....O-N-C(my norm for giving out my name)"

"This one?" He holds up 'Phinley'

"No....Oncley....O-N-C"

"This one?" He holds up 'McCain,'

"(holy shit)No Oncley"

"What letter does it start with?"

"O"

"There is no O in here, when did you drop it off?"

"noon"

"well it will be here wednesday"

"Aren't you one-hour photo?"

(he points to the chart of drop off and arrival dates)

he asks "did you do digital or film"

"film" and i grab an envelope from the stack that i had used earlier.....

What had happened was little newbie kid from 12 o'clock slid me a 3-day photo service envelope, which i might add had no "3-DAY YOU DUMBASS" written on it, and i DID look for it since i turned another rite-aid down 2 days ago for their 3-day service since their 1-hour machine was broken.

well i figure...no problem, i lost a day. Ill take it back and go somewhere tomorrow or tonight.

"Can i just get my film back?"

"We already sent it out"

(head explodes), and unfortunately the smarty working behind the counter thought it was monday(it's tuesday) and it will actually be ready thursday. awesome. wonderful. great.

oh, and to top it off, during our one sided conversation, some old dude sets his vodka down on the photo counter in front of me. Im sorry sir, vodka gets developed at the other registers....i guess he was in a hurry to get drunk.